What D&D Character Are You?

I enjoy these useless little surveys. This one was extremely accurate in determining the sort of character I tend to roleplay. Here are my results.


I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger Druid


Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Comedy Central Slips On A Banana Peel

A big "What The FUCK?!" to Comedy Central for choosing their entire new line-up by surveying every mall from Santa Monica to Oxnard.
"Weekends at the DL"? I remember when it was called "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn"!
"Too Late with Adam Corolla" proves the station's suits never saw MTV's "Loveline" wherein it was learned that SEEING Adam take phone calls and rant about community college and panda bear's wasn't nearly as entertaining as merely HEARING.
In "Mind of Mencia" Paul Rodriguez' act is once again passed along to the latest "beaner". Who but a fucking Mexican-American comic says "beaner" anymore? To be fair this show is the brightest of the lot but keeps playing the race card. Carlos! Mira, ese! You are a member of the fastest growing ethnic group in America! We don't fucking care! Just let it go!
"The Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson". Don't have anything bad to say about this production as it was hilarious. It's just here that I learned that Sarah Silverman the sexiest/funniest woman on Earth (apologies to Elayne Boosler) is dating that fuckwad Jimmy Kimmel. Jesus is Magic and God is Dead.

Hip-Hop-Hooray!

Hey! Remember the 80s? Successful black comedians like the Wayans brothers and Arsenio Hall made a place on their respective shows for hip-hop acts which in those days got no play on The Tonight Show or Saturday Night Live. This was an admirable display of solidarity and a great boost to the success of the medium.
Flash forward to the 90s and the new millenium. Black comics like Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle still feel the need to give up 1/3 of their hilarious comedy programs to showcase their favorite rap artists.
Is this really necessary in a world where hip-hop has become the most pervasive marketing phenom in American history? I hear it in McDonald's commercials on country music stations! It made up the greatest part of SpikeTV's Video Game Awards! It even invaded the Comedy Central Roast of Jeff 'Effing' Foxworthy!
Please, OGs and wannabes alike, give it a rest. Is it any wonder I'm a sucker for any black artist that chooses a musical genre other than rap/hip-hop. It took me years to realize that Hootie and the Blowfish were over-rated due to this reverse racism.
Okay, I take that back. Afro-America, make whatever music you wish. Middle-class white-boys, continue to believe that DMX is speaking to you.
The blame belongs on the new blaxploitation that the media wants us to swallow. The same media that thought the 70s needed to see a black remake of "Dracula" that's giving us Afrocentric versions of "Airplane" and "Vacation". Hell, they even remade "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?". When will the madness end?!

Attention: Prince, Grandmaster Flash, Public Enemy, NWA, Run-DMC, De La Soul, Jungle Brothers, PM Dawn, Arrested Development, and OutKast ignore this post as the ravings of a lapsed white liberal and keep doing what you do.

Rockstar: INXS

Just who wants to sing in a band so dormant that the original singer commited suicide?
Don't get me wrong I love INXS. From the moment I saw Michael Hutchence swagger and croak through "The Original Sin" video on MTV, I was hooked. My favorite member was pre-Weezer nerd rocker Kirk Pengilly doing double duty on guitar and alto sax. It is only in retrospect that I realize just how unique was the sound that they created along with the Farriss brothers and Gary "Garry" Beers.
Unfortunately, fame is fleeting and unaffected by trivial matters like talent and originality. Some of their contemporaries (okay just U2) have managed to throw off the mantle of "That 80s Band" and stay current. INXS, like The Cure and Duran Duran, struggled to remain relevant among the Grunge Rockers and Boy Bands without sacrificing their integrity but failed to stir anything more than reminiscence. But who am I to say that this most recent attempt to rekindle the fire won't burn down the house?
It does seem an odd choice to involve the public in the audition process. Four seasons of American Idol have yet to yield anyone of significance. William Hung gets more bookings than any of that lot.
Comparisons to Idol may be unfair, though, as the very least of the INXS wannabes rock harder than a Clone Army of Bos and Constantines.
So who do I see taking up the microphone?
Forgive me, but the ladies are out. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the likes of Jordis and Suzie, but they don't belong in this band. INXS needs to move forward not change their dynamic. That leaves the boys, only four of whom are left. The best four.
Ty looks like the lovechild of Living Colour's Corey Glover and the token black from "The Revenge of the Nerds". He sings like the dreamchild of Otis Redding and Bryan Ferry. He has shown an ease for writing songs which are fun, if a bit fluffy, and he would add a welcome bit of color to a band who's native country has race issues nearly as complex as those in America.
I don't want to over-do the analogies but Marty is the progeny of Iggy Pop and Kurt Cobain. Easily the most contemporary and edgiest of the players, tackling radio-fresh works by The Killers and sacred "Do Not Touch" songs by Nirvana with ease and grace. Oh, and let us not forget his dark twist on Britney Spear's "Hit Me Baby, One More Time".
J.D. is possibly the most talented of the bunch. He has a knack for tweaking the standards and pumping the crowd, but seems to have chosen as his greatest influence Johnny Fairplay of Survivor (the show not the band). Take the visit from the "long lost sister" who choked him up so much he couldn't sing a note, but which I am certain was a ploy to cover his inability to get a handle on the song and gain the sympathy vote. Don't get me started on how he fares in group activities. Now playing nice with others has never been a strong suit of history's greatest rockers, but normally it takes 3 to 5 years to piss the band off enough to part ways. J.D. will manage this feat by the end of the season. Believe me if they wanted a pompous, insanely talented asshole they'd still be working with Terence Trent D'Arby.
At last we have Mig who's greatest asset is that he's Australian. This may seem snide but I'm serious. That unique INXS sound I mentioned? It's Australia, mate! You can hear it to lesser effect in Icehouse and Midnight Oil. He can rock with the best of them and when they tried to fuck him by assigning Peter Frampton's "Baby I Love Your Way" he kicked ass and earned that weeks encore. His second greatest asset is that he has been the most compassionate and self-sacrificing member of the household This is what will make him a part of the greatest comeback since Aerosmith teamed with Run-DMC.